“Is this your first time? Aww, bless you.”

So today my lecturers replied and said they were happy for me to use them as referees for the internships.  Asking them took a lot out of me, so obviously it took me about 10 minutes to open the email and another 5 to bring myself to look at the response! Managed to send off my application, which then of course bounced back because apparently the admin is on maternity leave.  Sent it to her two deputies instead.  This also took a lot out of me and I am dreading the response.  I don’t know about anyone else but my anxiety feels like acid slowly rising up my chest.  Once it swells out, it feels like fire embers, just burning away and filling my lungs with smoke, just waiting for the flaring of a panic attack.  I am at the embers stage right now.

Had a therapy session today in that I went shopping with my best friend.  I tried talking therapy once, which was Hell because TALKING and PEOPLE.  My mum had to push me through the door each time.  It was helpful in that it made me realise why I had my disorders, but I never really felt equipped to deal with it, y’know? 

FYI my anxiety revolves around pleasing people and not annoying them in any way shape or measure.  This encompasses so much and makes my life hell.

For example, I am currently petrified that me sending those emails annoyed the recipients, and I won’t be able to open them because the reply will show disappointment and irritation that I thought I could interrupt their day.  Also why would they give me the internship? I am fucking useless.  Why would they want me? I’d just annoy them.

Anyway, shopping was nice, and we had our plotting session like normal which is really relaxing for me, although I always feel like I’m annoying my bestie with my ideas because my ideas are stupid and why would anyone want to hear them?

But I love her.
She bought me some really cute graduation presents which I am definitely going to treasure 🙂


Also got my eyebrows done professionally for the first time ever.  I just got them tinted, because it was a horrendous amount to get them tweezed/waxed and I can do that myself for free.  However I tend to fill my eyebrows in with the ‘tease’ shadow in the Naked 2 palette, and I wanted them to actually look decent for graduation photos, so: tinting.  It took me about 15 minutes of hanging around the Benefit booth to work up the courage to ask, but the assistant kept ignoring me, so we went round Debenhams to clothes shop.  Came back later and it turned out that the technician had gone on a 1 hour 15 minute lunch break(!!!), so booked a slot for when she came back.

An hour and 15 mins later, I came back and got them tinted.  Cue awkward small talk.

They look alright but it wasn’t worth the money, so I probs won’t do it again. Maybe HD brows next time?
Anyway, enough about me.

Hope everyone is ok out there.


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