I’m gonna be honest. I had plans for this blog, and those plans did not include waffle. That said, I started a Pinterest board for blog ideas, just to mix up the content on here a bit. I came across a pin that gave 365 words, one to explore each day. Day one was “happiness”.
So there I was, ready to blog about happiness and sunshine and rainbows and lights at the end of tunnels, and then I refreshed Pinterest and came across this picture:
- That is a gorgeous dress.
- She has a gorgeous figure.
- I could never pull that off being the size I am (spoiler alert, UK size 18-20).
- I’ll pin it to my Thinspo board.
And then I thought, “why not blog about the unfairness of clothes shopping when you’re the size I am” (also inspired by going shopping with my beautiful thin best friend who could pick out clothes from any section of any shop we went in and who was not being judged for setting foot inside topshop, before coming home and not fitting in a skirt I’d ordered from asos). This was clashing with “but you were going to start that 365 words thing today!” – and then I thought: “why not combine the two?”
Because to me, happiness revolves around my losing half my body weight. Around wearing all the clothes in my thinspo board and pulling the style off. Around setting foot outside my front door and feeling like the world wants me there. Around being able to go on my jog without some boy racer slowing right down to beep and make some unoriginal “hey fatty” comment. Around my mother not nagging me all the time, around not sounding like a herd of elephants walking downstairs, around not being the awkward friend not pulling on a night out. Around not being the fat friend, the fat cousin.
This was compounded by Oprah’s comments about the crop top I suppose,and although I fully support women wearing whatever they want, that doesn’t apply to me. I would look awful in a crop top. I can’t wear high waisted jeans because muffin top and camel toe. I guess I could maybe wear one with a high-waisted skirt, but I know I’d be shot down as soon as I left the house.
I guess my happiness revolves around being accepted in society which is something I have never ever felt.
Yeah I feel shit today. Hope no-one else does.