I fell off the wagon, I guess? Both in terms of blogging and in taking my meds for a while so
Severe depression and anxiety and blogging doesn’t mix really
But I am back on the wagon now (note to self, take meds!!!) and ready to share with you all My Life of the Past 2 Months. (Sorry. I know I’m not supposed to apologise for my anxiety but I have to otherwise the guilt will drive me insane so sorry again. And again and)
But yeah. WHAT HAS HAPPENED?
– my course is plodding along. My poetry module still makes me feel inferior to all but they’re nice so? Even if I’m too anxious to speak to them. Plus we got a different teacher for the last month and it’s Denise Riley! She is incredible irl, and has so much to teach. She looks and sounds like Judi Dench and has MET W H AUDEN so really it’s all I can do not to run at her screaming LOVE ME.
– translation side is going interestingly. There is this boy in my class who I want to strangle. He just talks over the top of EVERYONE in my class, even our teachers, and it’s always with inane or borderline offensive things. The other week I spent 20 mins trying to get him to see why the first book to be written by a woman is something important. He kept refusing and I just got so upset I ended up sitting at the bus stop shaking after telling him to leave me alone ( He also said that being a native-English speaking cis white male meant nothing, and he tried to say this whilst speaking over my 8 months pregnant Serbian classmate. She actually had to say “please shut up so I can finish my sentence”. I wanted to slap him so hard). It took him 10 days to apologise for this.
Then on Thursday he spent some time telling one of the girls in our class that he would be much more frightened of coming across her in a dark alley than her boyfriend as she was “much chunkier”.
I really wanted to hit him.
And THEN he complained that you never knew how to compliment a girl lest they find it offensive!!!
The course content is eye-opening, especially the symposium (!!) I attended last weekend. On the first day I mainly hid in a corner with my wine and my notebook, but forced myself to network on the second day. It was torture but there ended up being some v interesting people so.
Except last night I dreamt that one of them falsely accused me of plagiarism and pushed me into traffic so.
Went home for reading week to hug my dog. My best friend came to see me here which I desperately needed and it was so nice.
My housemates are nice, although one is really starting to get on my nerves. People say I’m negative, I challenge you to spend 1 minute in his company. It’s really draining, especially when I’m trying to keep my head above water depression/anxiety-wise (like I feel like I can’t watch certain things because he’ll come in the room like “oh God you’re not watching that are you?”). Also he keeps wanting to know my opinion on politics? Like I’ll step out the bathroom and he’ll be there like “WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE INDIAN PM’S VISIT???”
Idk leave me alone
Can’t you see I am essentially a zombie at this stage of the semester ? I have a 5000 word essay to procrastinate.
And that’s what you missed on Glee.
Hope everyone’s ok out there.