An Introvert Amongst Extroverts: Why It’s Hard

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Song for the day:  You Are Not by Young Guns

Because Young Guns are one of my favourite bands and this song is so empowering when you’re feeling down.

Today is Friday, but the most adventurous I’ve been food-wise this week has been making ratatouille with aubergine so it’s not been overly exciting (fry up some garlic, courgette and aubergine with seasoning and a tin of chopped tomatoes.  Voila).  So I had to think of something else to offer you guys today.

It’s another heavy one, so if that’s not your thing then have a look at these cupcakes from a few weeks back!

introvert amongst extrovert
I’ve been contemplating making a post like this for a while now, and I always put it off because no-one will want to read it Katie, God… but then when I was writing Monday’s post, I realised that this topic is a big part of the problem.

I am a very introverted person.  You always see cartoons depicting us with battery packs depleting the longer we spend around other people, but this is so true.  Sometimes I can actually feel my battery pack losing power.  It becomes hard to keep the smile on my face because I have no energy left.  Of course, a large part of this is due to my social anxiety, but coming to terms with that has helped me to understand just why I just can’t do people sometimes.

It’s so obvious to me this year, in this student house where both of my housemates just LOVE to talk, love to be around people all the time.  It can be exhausting.  Does that make me a complete bitch?  Probably.

This is also why I deliberated about posting on this topic.

I can only deal with so much talking at a time.  Imagine those people who talk alllllllll the way through a film, only allllllllll the way through the day, through your evening, and you just want to turn to them like “SSHHHH I’M WATCHING”

They talk all the way through films and programs too but hey.

And then I start to feel very uncomfortable because I am no good at conversation and I just sort of stand there awkwardly like “I only came down to brush my teeth and go to bed but I’ve been standing here clutching my toothbrush for twenty minutes now and I’ve said about three words which have mostly been “uhuh” and OH MY GOD HOW HASN’T YOUR VOICE DIED BY NOW”.  And I’m yawning because exhausted and then I feel guilty for yawning because I don’t want to outwardly suggest that you’re boring the hell out of me and I just want to go back to my room and watch Grease Live for the millionth time this month.

And yet I complain that this room is my prison.

But even if I do make the move and head downstairs with my slippers and blanket and curl up in front of New Girl, you can guarantee that one of them will come back from uni and talk all the way through it.  Like can you not see that I’m watching something?  I wasn’t just staring at the screen for no reason.  And if it’s James you can guarantee that he’ll be like “Jesus Christ what are you watching this for for fucks sake” and I’ll get half anxious half depressed about displeasing someone once more.

So I go upstairs and lock myself away so as not to annoy anyone, only doing this annoys my family and it’s just a vicious cycle.

tl;dr, can introverts have portable chargers please?  It’s 2016.

This has been another ranty post, and I’m sorry.  (Keely if you’re reading this, none of the above applies to you!!)

In case you missed it, I’ve set up a new community board on Pinterest for lbloggers to share their posts to.  If you’re interested, check it out here.

Hope you’re all ok out there!img_4828

 

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