Song for the day: All Of Me by John Legend
Because it is the most romantic beautiful song in the world. It also kind of relates to this post.
I actually have time to write a decentish post today because my shift got cancelled – and lucky I do because this one might get a little heavy.
It’s time to talk about my fears.
I used to think that there weren’t many things I was scared of, until I grew up. It’s a weird concept, because as a kid you always think that when you grow up, you’ll be able to fight the monster under your bed or in your wardrobe, but I now realise that there are far worse things out there that I didn’t know about until now.
I suppose my two greatest fears are quite cliché.
- The fear of being trapped.
The idea of not being able to move my limbs or breathe is terrifying to me. I guess it’s claustrophobia? I need wide open spaces and fresh air. I guess that’s why I detest kayaking? Even the thought is making my chest tighten up a bit so moving on…
- The fear of being ~forever alone.
Which is kind of hypocritical because God knows I’ve ranted enough about needing my alone time, but I’m so scared of no-one having the John Legend All of Me feelings for me. I am still single at 23 with crippling anxiety and a massive distrust of anyone who shows feelings for me due to being the “ask the fat girl” person throughout my teens. I have incredibly thick walls and I find it very hard to let people through them. I’m terrified that I’ll never allow myself to take them down.
ANYWAY that was pretty heavy.
I’m really struggling with this Blogging Challenge thing. I guess that’s why they call it a challenge huh? It’s really really hard to post something every day – I mean yesterday’s could have been so much better but I ran out of time and then drank a bottle or so of wine so. I have to try and churn them out otherwise my anxiety will go through the roof, but
SO I’m going to try and put a lot of effort into the last 13 posts. Then it’s back to your irregularly scheduled rambling from me. Yeah, I’m going to try and not stick to a schedule in future, and just write quality over quantity. Something else that scares me!
Hope you’re all ok out there!