Song for the day – Car Radio by twenty one pilots
Because this song sums it all up.
I know, I know. I said I’d post now that the deadlines are over, and I haven’t. I said I’d join in with chats again now that the deadlines are over, and I haven’t. I am a terrible person.
The truth is that I have spent the last week or so struggling to get out of bed. My depression has hit full force, and let’s not even talk about my anxiety. It has been positively crippling this week. I keep having attacks out of nowhere. I have too much in my head and it’s very overwhelming.
Then last week, I submitted my assignments and decided to come out of my room and sit downstairs. My housemate was out for the day, so I loaded up Sims for the first time since January and sat down with Baby Daddy and my sim versions of my favourite crime show science gals. And then a shadow crossed my vision, I looked out the window, and there he was. The Dick. You know, the guy who had said he was leaving and that we wouldn’t see him again until July. I checked my calendar, guys. It was May.
He and his mum came into the house, demanded to know what food in the fridge was his (because obviously I keep an inventory of his food), binned said (perfectly good) food, and left again in the space of ten minutes.
I lived in fear for the rest of the day. My heart was pounding from fighting off an attack whilst they were there. It sucked.
But I carried on with my rest days, chilling in my room. I needed mental peace for a while. The weather turned a couple of days later, and it was 28C. Beautiful! So I propped my bedroom door open with my massive French dictionary and let the breeze flow. I heard my housemate get back in, and put her shopping away in the kitchen. But then I heard her coming upstairs. Her room is downstairs. There was the jangling of keys and my blood turned to ice.
He was back again.
And he didn’t leave until yesterday.
I am so weak from anxiety at the moment. Everything is a trigger, and life is draining. I burst out crying in a workshop the other day because everything is just too overwhelming. I am drained. I have no energy. Chats made me feel anxious and lethargic at the same time. I have a headache from forcing myself to write this so that I don’t rust up. I need a bit more time to recover, and then I can get back in the saddle and blog properly again.
It’s Eurovision tomorrow though aka the best day of the year, so I’m gonna meet up with my BA housemates and let loose. I made one of their recipes for their famous fridge cake bc baking when anxious plus their birthday. I can’t wait!
Tl;dr: don’t do a masters.
BY THE WAY I made a dedicated snapchat for my blog: bkatastrophique . Hit me up!
ALSO: join the NMC! People are sending the love all over the place!
Hope you’re all ok our there!